“This book was incredibly powerful as it exposed the dark secrets that were knowingly covered up and brushed aside at the expense of a little girl named Wendy. But she found a way, a path, a mindset to overcome I’m not sure many of us could have summoned the courage to go on after having experienced such trauma and abuse from family members who are supposed to be entrusted to protect us. Very moving, very sad, and in the end, joy. Thank-you, Wendy for sharing your story.”
“A sad but all-too-common type story detailing abuse. Unfortunately for Wendy Hoke, abuse followed her throughout her life. The author’s powerful memoir is a sometimes difficult but ultimately inspiring story of triumph over the abuse she suffered from despicable people who held positions of power or authority over her from the time she was a child all the way through adulthood. Wendy was put through trials no one should ever have to endure. The psychic pain of the betrayal of trust is something that can never really be fully healed.”
The author has instilled positivity and virtuousness despite the emotional roller coaster relationships with the family in this narrative. The theological and spiritual references were apt and interesting. HIdden within these narratives is a travel testimonial, describing fantastic exotic natural places which one would wish to go after reading the descriptions, or some interesting outdoors adventure.
A review of The Biby a friend of mine at Community Bible Study:
“Wendy shares her story of a family that is kept in bondage by generations of secret keeping out of shame and stigma. Without going into the unnecessary details of the childhood abuse by her grandfather, Wendy nonetheless describes the heart wrenching and debilitating effects that the trauma had on her identity, and the consequences it wrought on her life until she faced it head on and had the courage to speak the truth in love. I won’t spoil it, but I will say that the final chapters brought tears of joy to my heart. In addition, you will get to learn all about mountaineering as Wendy goes on her many adventures around the globe. I couldn’t put it down!”
“Family Legends, Family Lies” is a memoir detailing the author’s journey to speak the truth about child sexual abuse. The author does a great job of detailing his efforts as an adult to bring light of this issue. This is very emotional, but it does have a satisfying ending and an overall sense of justice. I found this book to be very inspiring, and I applaud the author for being willing to disclose these details. Ultimately, this is a great read that I highly recommend.
I have always wondered, what makes people climb mountains. The endurance and strength just on a purely physical level is absolutely mind boggling. What death defying, life sustaining mentality MUST one possess every second or be permanently displaced? There are acts of courage CHOSEN by self-determined individuals which aren’t necessary to achieve a sense of purpose. However, I have never wanted to climb a mountain and would rather read a GREAT book about one such person and remain unfulfilled at sea level.
What caustic motive determines the conscious, willful and sinister degradation of a child by MEN who CHOOSE to be ordained by any religious institution, whose authority is supposedly given by GOD?
And WHO, in their right mind, by ANY association, would CHOOSE to DEFEND EVIL rather than innocence?
The challenges and compromises put upon children by those who CHOOSE the task of raising them are the INHERENT burden of the GUARDIANS. The accomplished writer of this testimony and her highly reasoned understanding of the events she lived through and carries to this day, is a fine and competent witness to the sexual abuse by the named individual.
I hope Wendy conquers THIS peak. She NEVER ASKED for her birth circumstances. She NEVER ASKED for the family who raised her. She NEVER ASKED to be NEGATED and INSULTED. The impact of Child abuse of EVERY kind DOES take years to work through. It is NOT an easy PACK, by any means.
When Jesus resurrected Lazarus, he said, “UNBIND him”. To the witnesses at the tomb. “UNBIND him.” The LEAST WE MUST DO is LISTEN. B E L I E V E.
“When a child endures sexual abuse, it never leaves. The memories and pain are ever there, ever gnawing and rarely understood. Some find excuses to blame the victim. In this memoir, even the victim’s mother turned her back in a misguided effort to protect the family. I was surprised to learn that in some cases, workplace sexual harassment may be a proxy for the sexual abuse. I may not long remember the wonderful mountain climbing adventures, but the long-term pain from sexual abuse was an eye-opener for me that I will not forget. I recommend this inspiring story as an insightful look into a search for one victim’s voice and the courage to deal with unresolved angers and damaged relationships.”
“I know this happens much too often to children, but it doesn’t seem fair when someone is dealt such a bad hand. The courage of Wendy Hoke to come out and relay how she handled her own situation is awe inspiring. I know that this book not only spoke to me, but will speak to the thousands that have also had such misfortune. Her story is sensitive and thought provoking. I couldn’t put it down.I highly recommend this book.”
“I have to say that this had to be both heartbreaking and relieving for the author. This is something that no one wants to talk about. I commend the author. It was a quick read and hard for me to put down. I givethis 5 wonderful stars.“
“As a fellow survivor I applaud the author for her bravery. She writes beautifully andthe memoir is engagingat all times, but the most powerful part is you can almost FEEL the healing that she is willing into her life by speaking openly and sharing her experience. Her experiences dealing with the abuse by her grandfather (who was a Bishop in the church) are shared in a way that is not for shock factor, but about the emotional impact it made on her life. It is as much an analysis of the soul as it is a memoir and the author is both observant and wise. Very much worth the read.”
“The Bishop’s Cross” by Wendy Hoke is a powerful memoir about a woman who was the sexual abuse victim of her Lutheran pastor grandfather.The memoir retains its powerdespite Hoke’s decision not to provide any specific details of what her grandfather did to her. This was likely done to avoid having the focus of her memoir be about the abuse and nothing else. Understandably, Hoke doesn’t want to have her story be one of victimhood. She’s much too strong for that. However, the more we learn of her life, the harder it is NOT to see her as severely wounded at least.
Hoke worked for a Wall Street investment banking firm before making the switch to senior manager for The Navy Exchange, a multi-billion dollar global retailer. While there, Hoke was forced to deal with sexual harassment from a superior, the intensity of which is fairly staggering, especially when considering the individual not only got away with it but continued threatening her after she resigned. Eventually seeking the help of the FBI, Hoke is told by a female agent that: ”He said it was just a joke. He was just trying to spook you.” Case closed. Unbelievable.
The memoir also tells of the somewhat suppressed volatility of Hoke’s relationship with her adoptive mother Gretchen, a woman who could easily be nominated as “Worst Mother Ever.” She belittles Hoke for being adopted. Whenever Hoke tries bringing up the subject of her grandfather’s abuse, Gretchen is outraged and shames Hoke for even daring to suggest it, instead listing off the good deeds her father was renowned for. She even slanders Hoke behind her back, warning a boyfriend and, later, a husband that her daughter is mentally ill and they should stay away from her. What mother does that? Jesus.
To combat the agony of such memories, Hoke becomes an avid mountain climber and the memoir details many of her adventures, which serve as not only the cornerstone of the book, but an effective metaphor for her need to overcome the hills, valleys, and peaks of her pain. It makes for an entertaining read, though there are some issues with tense in Hoke’s writing as it awkwardly shifts from past to present, then back to past in a few places. It can be disorienting, though this might be how Hoke felt herself while living it.”
“Wendy Hoke is a wonderful author; The Bishop’s Cross is a well-written, fascinating book; although it was difficult to read at times.
This is a complicated book that made me feel a multitude of emotions. Some bad:
Anger: How could a parent not detect what a relative was doing to their young daughter?! If the mother was also abused, why didn’t she keep her child safe rather than insist the abuser’s secret stay safe?
Disgust: The Westerfield chapter. The details were sick. And the fact that the defense lawyer claimed Westerfield couldn’t be linked to the crime, even after the evidence. What kind of person tries to get such a monster off with a lesser charge?!
Empathy: I was saddened to see how the power of abuse (even by nasty women), followed Wendy Hoke throughout her life.
Some emotions were good:
Exhilaration: The book is also full of adventure. I would never crawl over the narrow ledge at Indian Head Peak, with a 300-foot drop on one side, and a 500-foot drop on the other! Wendy Hoke is a brave woman!
Admiration: Wendy Hoke is an amazing woman! Standing up to her family is admirable; but writing a book to help countless others is saintly!
Inspiration: Wendy Hoke is not going to let the trials of life beat her down. Her sense of adventure and overcoming brutal circumstances can be a solid lesson for anyone.
I’d recommend’Family Legends, Family Lies’ to a mature reader who could benefit from a powerful story to help find guidance in their own life.”
“What an amazing story of courage both to face the person who didn’t protect her as a child as well as climbing mountains in Nepal and the sierras. The author painted vivid pictures of her life adventures as she navigated through many troublesome experiences. I COULDN’T PUT THIS BOOK DOWN!”Category: UncategorizedPosted on by whitaker.wendy@gmail.com — Leave a comment
“Wendy shares her story of a family that is kept in bondage by generations of secret-keeping out of shame and stigma. Without going into the unnecessary details of the childhood abuse by her grandfather, Wendy nonetheless describes the heart wrenching and debilitating effects that the trauma had on her identity, and the consequences it wrought on her life until she faced it head-on and had the courage to speak the truth in love. I won’t spoil it, but I will say that the final chapters brought tears of joy to my heart. In addition, you will get to learn all about mountaineering as Wendy goes on her many adventures around the globe. I couldn’t put it down! “Category: UncategorizedPosted on by whitaker.wendy@gmail.com — Leave a comment
“I have always wondered, what makes people climb mountains. The endurance and strength just on a purely physical level are absolutely mind-boggling. What death-defying, life-sustaining mentality MUST one possess every second or be permanently displaced? There are acts of courage CHOSEN by self-determined individuals which aren’t necessary to achieve a sense of purpose. However, I have never wanted to climb a mountain and would rather read a GREAT book about one such person and remain unfulfilled at sea level.
What caustic motive determines the conscious, willful and sinister degradation of a child by MEN who CHOOSE to be ordained by any religious institution, whose authority is supposedly given by GOD?
And WHO, in their right mind, by ANY association, would CHOOSE to DEFEND EVIL rather than innocence?
The challenges and compromises put upon children by those who CHOOSE the task of raising them are the INHERENT burden of the GUARDIANS. The accomplished writer of this testimony and her highly reasoned understanding of the events she lived through and carries to this day is a fine and competent witness to the sexual abuse by the named individual.
I hope Wendy conquers THIS peak. She NEVER ASKED for her birth circumstances. She NEVER ASKED for the family who raised her. She NEVER ASKED to be NEGATED and INSULTED. The impact of Child abuse of EVERY kind DOES take years to work through. It is NOT an easy PACK, by any means.
When Jesus resurrected Lazarus, he said, “UNBIND him”. To the witnesses at the tomb. “UNBIND him.” The LEAST WE MUST DO is LISTEN. B E L I E V E.”
The date is set. Publication of Family Legends, Family Lies is set for March 1, 2020. I have wanted to write this book for many years. In fact, I have been writing short stories as the events happened as my form of journaling. So, the conversations in the book are verbatim.
However, I made the final decision to pursue finalizing the book and publication around August 2018. By March 2019, I had posted a presale campaign on Publishizer, where I got just a few sales. However, it did create some buzz within my circle of family and friends. This was the first time I addressed the issues publicly.
Still, it took me 6 months from March to deliver the first draft to my editor. It was a difficult road, not because of the actual work of writing the manuscript. No, it was the need to look into the past once again, even after I have worked so hard to learn to stay in the present and pointed towards the future.
For those of you who have been on this journey with me, it is only a few short weeks away until I will be selling copies over this website. Please subscribe to this blog and follow along into the future.
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